Hello! Today we are going to talk about feelings. Sometimes, grown-ups fall in love. They have a special feeling called a love in affair. It feels very warm and happy. It feels like the sun is shining inside your heart. But sometimes, something sad happens. The love in affair ends. The two people are no longer together. This is called a break-up. When a break-up happens, it hurts a whole lot. It feels like a big ouchie in your heart. It feels like a rainy day that will not go away.
But did you know that not everyone acts the same way when they are sad? It is true! People are very different when it comes to coping with a lost love in affair. Coping means trying to feel better after something sad happens. Let us talk about how different people handle a broken heart.
Some People Get Over It Fast
For some women, it is very easy to cope with a lost affection. They might feel sad about their love in affair for just about a day or two. They might cry into their pillow for one night. They might eat a little bit of ice cream. But then, something changes. They wake up the next day, and they decide they are done being sad. They dry their eyes. They put on a pretty dress. They go out and hit the dating scene like nothing ever happened. The dating scene is the place where you go to meet new people.
They go out to parties. They go out to dinner. They smile and laugh. What is their secret? They believe that nothing will help you get over the last guy, much better than the next guy. They think the best way to stop feeling sad about an old love affair is to find a new love affair. They do not want to sit around and cry. They want to be happy again, so they go out and find someone new to talk to. This works very well for them.
Some People Get Stuck In The Past
Many women, however, cannot seem to get over their lost love in affair. They are kind of reluctant or unable to move on. Reluctant means you do not want to do something. Unable means you cannot do it, no matter how hard you try. They feel stuck, like a car with a flat tire. They cannot drive forward.
They live every single day thinking, “What if?” What if he comes back? What if I did something differently? They go through their past relationship in their head over and over again. They think about all the things they might have done differently. They think, “If only I had said this,” or “If only I had not said that.”
They become obsessed and stuck in their past. Obsessed means you think about something all the time, every minute of the day, even when you want to stop. They endlessly replay all of the conversations they had with him. They hear his words in their head like a broken record. They think about the time they went to the park. They think about the time they ate dinner. They play these memories again and again.
They truly believe that he is the main one. They think he is the only boy in the whole wide world for them. So, they try to do everything they can to find him and convince him he made a mistake. They might send him text messages. They might call him. They might walk by his house, hoping to see him. They are so scared that if they let him go, they will be giving up their only chance at happiness. They think he is the man of their dreams, and if they lose him, they will be alone forever. This is a very scary feeling.
Making Room For New Love
But here is a very big secret. Not getting over a pornsxxx might actually amount to throwing away true love. What does that mean? It means keeping your old love in your heart makes it impossible for brand-new potential lovers to move in.
Think about your heart like a little house. Inside this house, there is a special room for a love in affair. Right now, that room is full of old boxes. The boxes are full of memories of your ex-boyfriend. The boxes are very big, and they take up all the space. There is no room for anyone else to sit down!
If you keep the door locked and keep all his boxes in the room, a new boy cannot come inside. Please discard the old boxes to make space. Keeping the old love in an affair means you are closing the door on a brand-new, wonderful love in an affair. You have to let the old one go so the new one can come inside and sit on the sofa.
How To Get Over Your Love In Affair
So, exactly how should you overcome an affection or even your ex-boyfriend? How do you clean out the room in your heart? Here are some very easy steps to help you feel better and move on to a happy life.
Step One: Make A Big Choice
To start with, you need to decide to get over this love affair consciously. Consciously means you do it on purpose. It is not an accident. You have to make a big, strong choice in your mind. You have to look in the mirror and say, “I am going to get over him.”
Then, you must be disciplined enough to make this a reality. Disciplined means you are very strict with yourself. It is like when you decide to eat healthy food. Even if you want a cookie, you eat an apple instead because you made a rule. It is the same with your heart. Even if you want to call him, you do not let yourself. You stick to your choice. You made a promise to yourself, and you must keep it.
Step Two: Start The Big Clean Up!
Once you make your choice, please start clearing up. This is a very important step. You must discard anything that reminds you of him. Discard means to throw away or put out of sight.
Look around your bedroom. Do you have soft toys that he gave you? Like a teddy bear or a plush heart? Put them in a big black bag. Do you have photos of the two of you smiling? Take them off the wall and put them in a box. Hide the box under your bed or in the back of the closet. Do you have a t-shirt of his that you sleep in? Put it in the bag.
If you see his things every day, you will think about him. You cannot heal if you are always looking at his gifts. Cleaning up your room is like cleaning up your heart. When the room is clear and clean, your mind can start to be clear and clean too. Out of sight, out of mind!
Step Three: Write The Bad List
Next, please write a list of all the things he used to do that you hated. When we miss someone, our brain likes to play tricks on us. Our brains only remember the good things, like how he smiled or hugged you. You have to remind your brain about the bad things!
Did he leave the toilet seat up? Did he chew his food with his mouth open? Was he late all the time? Did he forget your birthday? Did he look at his phone instead of talking to you? Write all of these bad things down on a piece of paper. Keep this list in your pocket or on your phone.
So, if you are ever feeling like contacting him again, take out your list and read it! Read all the annoying things he did. You cannot allow yourself to have nice ideas about him right now. Nice ideas will only hurt you and make you miss him. The bad list will remind you that he was not perfect. It will help you stay strong.
Step Four: Change The Subject
Next, if a friend brings up their name in a conversation, please change the subject. Imperative means it is a must. It is very important.
Suppose your friend says, “Hey, I saw your ex-boyfriend at the store today,” you must not talk about it. You must say, “I do not want to talk about him. Let us talk about your new shoes instead.” Avoid discussing him at all. Talking about him only brings his memory back to the front of your mind. If you talk about him, you will feel sad all over again. Tell your friends you are trying to move on from your love in affair, and ask them not to say his name around you. Good friends will listen and change the subject for you.
Step Five: Beat The Triggers
Certain sounds, like music, and certain smells, like his perfume or maybe a scented room candle he loved, can bring him to your mind at the least expected moments. Unexpected means you did not see it coming. You might be driving in your car, and a song comes on the radio. It was your special song. Suddenly, you feel like crying. Or you might walk past a store that sells the cologne he wore. You smell it, and suddenly you feel very sad.
Your best approach in this situation is to immerse yourself in what triggers these memories. Immerse means to dive deep into it. Do not run away from the song or the smell. If you run away, they will always have power over you. Instead, face them. Listen to the song on purpose. Listen to it ten times until it is just a normal song again. Smell the candle until it just smells like wax and nothing more. You must face them until you exorcise them. Exorcise means to get the bad feelings out. Do this until they no longer remind you of him. The memory will lose its power. The song will be a song. You will be the boss of your own mind.
Step Six: Get Out Of The House!
When you are sad, it is very easy to lock yourself in your house. You might want to sit on the couch all day watching sad movies and eating comfort food. Comfort food is food like ice cream or pizza that makes your tummy feel good for a minute. But this is a bad idea. Being alone makes you think about him more. The walls of your house start to feel like they are closing in on you.
Instead, you must make friends and be social. Go out and see your friends! Talk to people. Laugh with them. Favour taking a yoga class to help your body stretch and relax. Read a new book to take your mind to a different world. Choose to go for a jog around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. Moving your body helps your brain feel better. Sweating and breathing hard help get the sadness out. When you are busy having fun, you do not have time to be sad about your past love in affair.
Step Seven: Meet New People
When you go out and develop new friends, you will also meet new men. This is a very exciting part! When you have a bigger circle of friends, you get invited to new places. You will see new faces. And one day, you might meet a man who creates your fantasy and has potential. Potential means he has good things inside him. He could be a very good match for you.
When you meet a new man who seems nice, give him a good chance. Give him a chance to show you who he is. Talk to him. Smile at him. But here is the biggest rule of all: Do not compare him to your old love in affair. It is a huge mistake to compare the new guy to the old guy!
The new guy might have a different laugh. He might like different food. He might wear different clothes. Do not think, “My ex did it this way, so this new guy is wrong.” That is not fair. You are now in charge, so please think ahead. Think about the bright future, not the dark past. Give the new guy a clean slate. A clean slate means you start fresh, with no old memories messing things up.
You Have The Power
You can get over a lost love in affair only when you want to. Nothing can force you to stop loving him. A magic wand cannot fix it. A fairy godmother cannot fix it. You have to choose this in your mind and heart consciously. You have to want to be happy more than you want to hold onto the sadness.
It may be a difficult job to do at first. The first few days will be very hard. The first few weeks might feel like a long, dark tunnel. You might have some days where you cry again, and that is okay. It is normal to have sad days. But you must keep trying.
With time, the pain will lessen. Lessen means it will get smaller and smaller. The ouchie in your heart will start to heal, just like a scraped knee heals. It will get easier to wake up in the morning. It will get easier to fall asleep at night. One day, you will wake up, the sun will be shining, and you will not think about him at all.
If you get rid of the mind and heart of the past love in an affair, then you are capable of going into the romantic life you deserve. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone who loves you and stays with you. You deserve a beautiful love in affair that makes you smile every single day.
Take a deep breath. Let the old love in affair go. Open the door to your heart. A brand-new, wonderful love in affair is waiting for you right around the corner. You have to take the first step forward.
